Mattresses

So today my dad was awesome and helped me go mattress shopping. On the way home he did one of his monologues, an impression of a mattress salesman:

"This mattress is on overstock, you must buy it now! It's on overstock from the queen of england. She only used it once. To put a pea under the bed. Or she pee'd on the bed. She was incontinent, from the incontinent of Europe."