Christmas presents

After my brothers rant mentioned in the last post, this was the last present my mother wrapped for him. She said she wanted him to think of her every time he used it. He opened it up to find this:

(Zach receives 3-ply)

Little Brother Rant

Zach (to mother and father): I have a question for you, do you and mom - would you consider yourself green environmental activists?


Dad: Well not how most people define it.

Zach: Do you consider yourself extreme penny pinchers?


Mom: No

Zach: Then why on earth do you buy this crappy single ply toilet paper. It is like wiping your butt with sand paper. You might as well use wrapping paper. I could steal this from a public restroom. I wouldn't wipe my dog's ass with that, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Just get decent toilet paper. I mean, why get toilet paper at all, why not just use your fingers.

Mom: What should I get?

Zach: Charmin, it is like wiping your butt with a pillow.

Dad: I'm sorry Zach, I don't consider wiping my ass to be an experience. I'm just sitting on the bowl and getting off as soon as possible.

 My brother, Zachary, is starting to take after my father...

Zachary:  yes...she said you missed study group to go out with a BOY

you bring shame on the family!

 me:  WHAT?!

#1 I have never been to a study group

#2 I would never miss it to go out with a BOY

I don't date boys ...

I date men

 Zachary:  umm I counter

it sounds like you date a lot of boys

 Zachary:  its ok so does my priest