Penile implants

Me: Today we did moldable penile implants. It is like clay, the same consistency and you can bend it into any shape you like.
Dad: It's like Gumby pecker
Me: Yea, weird right
Dad: Think about the possibilities. You could pee around corners. You could stand around a corner and pee on people and nobody would know where it comes from.

Dad: I bring you only the top line cutting edge medicine. Today at our medical staff meeting one of the ID doctors started talking about the newest thing... Fecal Transplants.
Mom: What's that?
Dad: When a patient has an infection wiht C. Diff, ID doctors take the poop of one of the patient's relatives and using an enema insert it into the patient. I thought I was listening to South Park -(starts singing) Mr. Hanky the christmas poo...

Dating advice from parents

Me: Wow I'm never going to hear from that guy again after sending that email.
Mom: Why ?
Me: It comes off as kind of high maintenance.
Mom: No it doesn't
Dad: Yes it does
Me: Ugh
Mom: Well you aren't high maintenance so don't worry about it.
Dad: Well, she kind of is....